il sogno

lo stesso sogno, ogni notte - the same dream, every night
una casa diversa, ogni volta - een verschilende huis, iedere keer
...ma é la mia casa - but it is my house
che strano peró, ci sono troppe persone, in questa casa - wierd though, er zijn te veel mensen in dit huis
sto cercando il mio posto, in questa casa - ik zoek mijn plekje in dit huis

spesso alla fine del sogno mi accorgo che non sono io che ho scelto quella casa - at the end of the dream I always feel that it's not me to have choosen that house
ah, forse é per questo che non mi sento a mio agio

i look for my place in this house - big, crowded, confused as my dream.

productively productive

Sometimes, like now, it feels as if the biggest challenge is to remind oneself how worthwhile is one's own project, plan, product, no matter what, no matter how we do it.
Today is Monday, the first Monday of the month of November, 2007. I should have finished my third thesis two thousand years ago - or at least, this last summer- but no, I'm still here working on it. I used to love the academic environment, however since the last year and a half I'm quite oppressed by it, as I really feel the time to be somewhere else and doing something else is now, and is rushing out.
It's like a river flowing very fast, and I look at it and I want to jump in it and swim in it but I just learnt now to swim again, and I'm not that practical yet - so I'm afraid. In the meanwhile, the fact that I still need to produce this last academic work within a short time doesn't give me the pleasure I used to feel when I was writing before. So I'm not enjoying this time either.
I am looking at the flowing river with the feeling that my breath will be taken away any moment, without having done something really meaningful yet - maybe this feeling is wrong, but it's there and it hurts.
It is probably a common pattern among human beings, to be refrained in facing the river, but soon or later everybody does. Sometimes it takes too long, and then you are swallowed by the water because you forgot how to use your abilities in handling it. It will be nice if it will not take me that long.

to be alone with yoh'

Today I spent the morning trying to plan my coming weeks, which should be dedicated exclusively to my thesis (?).
But there was an interference in my thoughts due to the upcoming great event (?) - one of my flatmates suddenly decides to screw us up and leaves the house we share out of the blue. This mess is not exactly what I hoped for when two days ago I was telling myself that I need some calm and quiteness to understand what to do in the coming months, but that's how life goes, usually.
However, because I love complicated situations, I should be happy that now every side of my life is very challenging. (no, I'm not happy and I'm fed up).

now I have to go to the dentist who is not able to fix a carie in one time, so I have to be tortured again and again. But while I'll be biking toward the dentist, I'll have in my mind "to be alone with yooooooo" a dear song which I finally manage to download, which makes me laugh and cry...so, is very challenging :)